Love to the living

Yesterday I spoke to a woman very close to my heart and listened to her story about fighting with her family for petty and insignificant things. She couldn't understand why they got on her nerves so much.

It took me a while to process what or why her "blow up" disturbed me. Especially when I wasn't as upset as I thought I would be when she told me that her sister shouted, "You don't have to be a bitch because your friend died."

Oh, let me explain that last party. You see, she had a close friend of hers from high school died recently in an automobile accident a few days before his 22nd Birthday. A total shock and surprise to the community, family, and friends. After hearing of the news, my friend became melancholy and very emotional. Crying, holding herself insider her room, not eating, and lamenting how she wished for him to return and dedicating songs to him on her facebook and blog.

So now that you're caught up on the situation, let me continue.

She told me that it has been around two years since she last saw or heard from this fellow, until this past summer where she was supposed to meet up with him to catch up... but sadly, they never got the chance to meet-up. Partly due to her having to leave early to see her ex-boyfriend "Panda" in Los Angeles.

Now her continuous lamenting and sad demeanor had me thinking. Why is she so sad about someone she hadn't spoken to in a couple of years. Was she feeling guilty for not meeting up with him? Does she blame herself and her ex for leaving her hometown so soon for L.A.? Then I realized that maybe women just process grief differently from men. Maybe women are just more emotional about things.

Yet, when she told me about what happened to her and her family. Especially what the younger sister said to her... it hit a nerve in me. I could swear there was a message in there. I had to sleep on it to figure it out, but I realized what it was this morning.

I realized her sister had a point.

My friend had gone into such a funk after the accident that probably neglected the interaction with her family. In any case it got me thinking, when people die and people mourn we have the tendency to focus on the dead and how we may have failed them. How we never got a chance to say goodbye or how much we love them. Then people get very introspective and guilt ridden, forcing them to fall into a sadness of thinking how life will be like with out that person in this world.

I know, because I've gone through the same scenario with my death and loved one's death. Call me cold and callus, but I just can't imagine crying for a person I didn't really communicate with for the last several years. Not only that, but I believe if we placed as much effort on the living then we wouldn't have to feel so guilty about the dead.

What I'm basically saying is that we should all pay attention to our loved ones while they are alive. So we don't have to cry and feel so much guilt when they die. Because I believe death is their way of ascending to heaven and a chance to celebrate their life, rather than mourn their death. Although this would be especially difficult for people who are victims of a violent crime and/or accident. Yet we need to focus on the gift of life.

Focus on the love who are still with you on this world. They are the ones we need to show and share the love with everyday... I just hope my friend gets past the mourning stage for her friend and refocus that energy to her loved ones sharing this life with her.

My condolences. We (and I) love you too.